I just saw a hot homeless man
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
