I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
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I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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