he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
