just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
