I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
