Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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