How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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