She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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