Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
