the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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