So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
operation harelip BJ is a go
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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