I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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