I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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