Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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