Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
