Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
