Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
