Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
