hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
whose parrot is this?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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