I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
