Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
