Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
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I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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