Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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