I am puke
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your cock deserves a montage
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
