Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We are all done wearing pants today
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
