if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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