my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
