this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
