Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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