I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
