ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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