When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wear drunk well.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
