it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
