oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
