I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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