there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
