okay pat passed out under dana's car
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I didn't notice because vodka
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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