Please, let me fuck your mom
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize