dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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