Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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