who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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