I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
