Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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