I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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