he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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