Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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