Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
