We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You are a genius and a whore.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
