i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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