see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
