Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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