I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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