Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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