evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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