O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
