If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so much tequila, so little girl.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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