Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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