i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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