Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
