this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
