im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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