I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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