i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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