Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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