I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
