So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
