I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
