i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
