i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
