I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
