You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
