Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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