It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
