uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
