just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
