i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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