I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You were trust falling into bushes
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