i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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