So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
