remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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