Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
