Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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