i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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