So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
