Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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